Self Healing in the Desert

The last few weeks have been chaotic and has kept our family incredibly busy! We are moving April 20th to start our organic family farm and keep going for our goal of being self sustainable. After going through boxes of old chapters in each of our lives I became quite sad with a few things. It’s not often I get depressed or truly sad, when I do there is only one place that calls my name for healing, the desert. I have been going once a year since I was a child to Moab, Utah for camping, four wheeling, and time with family. The desert is a place where any negative feelings, sadness, anger I have is absorbed by the desert heat and silence, I leave in bliss, grounded, and balanced. This year I was able to go with my best friend Jessica and daughter Aspen. I have visited all the national parks down there except for 1, Arches National Park. It’s been on my list for a few years now. This year there was one bump in the road with visiting Arches, my husband would not be joining due to his past.

When we meet our partner later in life both have gone through at least one maybe two serious relationships in life that did not work out. For some its easy to deal with for others its a little more difficult. As for me it has been easy, understanding universe had plans that worked out for the better on all parties, in fact I like his ex fiance she is wonderful kind human being and deserves the best in life. Even with love and understanding in my heart I still had something hit me hard recently, and it was such a silly thing, but a real emotion that existed within me. I have always wanted to have a proposal or for my significant other announce their love and dedication to me in the desert, silly I know but it has been my special place all my life and growing up I felt that would mean it was meant to be. Well Marcus did not want to go to Arches because he had proposed to his ex fiance there, and to him the desert reminded him of a painful past. I knew I would never receive that silly dream in the desert or ever visit Arches with the love of my life. What is the funniest point is that we are already married, although I never had a proposal. At the time I needed health insurance, we had a daughter, and knew we loved each other. I felt because I didn’t receive a romantic gesture in words I felt the love for me was less than. During our hikes on this trip the desert silence gave me time to be in my head, deal with the emotions letting them just be, and eventually seeing different perspectives. I had been blinded by my own internal feeling of not being enough. I am married to this amazing man who shows his love through actions not words and always have, instead of only seeing my love language I have to remind myself he has his own and its just as powerful. I get to be a stay at home mom, travel, have constant affection, and much more. Love can’t be measured by words or action nor can it be compared. I love myself, I know my worth, and dreams of how things are supposed to be don’t always work out because the universe has something better in store. Needless to say coming back from the desert all my anger, jealousy, sadness was sucked away into the red slick rock and into the sand. Thank you Arches for helping me heal. Until next time……

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